


If Only...

by thegeekywhovian



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Non-Consensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 14:26:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16139129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegeekywhovian/pseuds/thegeekywhovian
Summary: When Rose is raped, they have to deal with what happens next





	If Only...

**Author's Note:**

> Highly sensitive topic in this piece. If you've been raped or sexually abused, please know that you're in my thoughts. Please also know it's not your fault.

There were tears. Not just silent ones. The gasping for breath, constant ones that wouldn't ease up. Despite assurance that it wasn't her fault. That she wasn't to blame. How her attacker should not have violated her personal space and trust. That he should've heeded her warnings when she said no the first time, when she was approached. 

 

And, he didn't stop when she begged him to.

 

Rose wasn't sure if she would ever get rid of the imagery that plagued her mind. She also wasn't sure that she feel the same ever again.

 

The Doctor felt helpless, and slightly blamed himself. Because if he was there, at the moment this disgusting act occurred, he would've stopped it from happening in the first place.

 

The days and weeks afterwards, Rose wouldn't let him touch her. Not even a hug or a caress. All he wanted to do was to hold her. To offer comfort.

 

Rose spiralled out of control, becoming withdrawn. Jackie and the Doctor urged her to report the incident. She did, however, but she felt like the female officer who took the statement wasn't very supportive. In the end, Rose stood up and walked out.

 

Soon, rumours escalated on the Estate. That she had asked for it. That she was a mole, dog and slut. The stuff with Jimmy Stone was brought up. The Doctor, for the first time in his life, felt complete fury, that he could physically harm her attacker. Rose wasn't those things, and it definitely wasn't her fault.

 

He offered to take her away from all the turmoil, but she refused, returning to the safety to her bed, willing for the pain to go away. For all the betrayal and harassment to dissolve. Maybe, just maybe, while she slept, it all would've disappeared. Maybe, upon awakening, she would think it was all a nightmare. Then, she could return to the life she loved, with the man she loved. The man who despite being urged to stay away, been snapped at not to have any physical contact with her, stayed in the flat while she suffered. He sits beside her as she sleeps, wanting to just hold her hand, but is afraid the contact will be too much for her. The Doctor wants to wipe the tears away. To kiss her. To hug her. But, until Rose says it's okay, he won't.

 

The trust shouldn't be violated. Especially when she's so delicate mentally and physically.

 

Just the thought of someone touching her made her feel sick. The showers she takes still makes her still feel unclean. Jackie and the Doctor urges her to eat. She does, picking at her food. They want her to see a counsellor, but she is uncomfortable to do so. She doesn't want to be not believed, and she fears that she won't be.

 

Rose hears her mother and Doctor talk in hushed tones, fully aware that she's the topic of conversation. Guiltily, she knows that they are suffering as well. But, at the moment, she really doesn't care. _They haven't been raped. They don't understand._

 

It hurts. Not just in the sensitive area. Luckily, her GP prescribed the after morning pill. It felt all wrong, someone touching her, someone having sex with her that wasn't the Doctor. With him, it was beautiful. Just the two of them. This rapist… it was all wrong.

 

 

_If only…. I didn't say anything. I wouldn't be harassed and feel this way._

 

_If only… if I wasn't there. But, it was a girls night out._

 

_If only… he didn't touch me there._

 

_If only… I refused to go and stayed in for the night._

 

_If only… Mum and Shareen didn't go to the toilet. I wouldn't have been left alone._

 

_If only… it didn't happen to me._


End file.
